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I let him go but I always thought we would find our way back to each other, but now that doesn’t seem like a possibility. I am thinking about him today, I ever once and awhile do, maybe because I have not experienced love since. He was my first love a piece of my heart will always be his. Sometimes I hear songs mostly that remind me of him. Finding somebody that is like him has been difficult impossible really, I didn’t know what I had till I let him go. The relationship ended 7 years ago why am I still holding on, I wish I could let go of him and other times I don’t. He is engaged to be married now, and I couldn’t be happier for him. He deserves happiness. He has probably changed, and moved on, so why am I still holding on? Does he still think of me? I hope he does. I want to experience a love like that again, sometimes I wonder if that is too much to ask, did I have my one chance and blew it? Will I never experience it again? I hope that is not the case.

We met again a couple years ago after we had broken up, we worked together actually. He was already dating the girl he is engaged to now; we talked again like nothing happened right where we left off. Then he moved on went back to school and I haven’t seen him since. Was that the closure that I needed? if that was closure, why do I still think about him? Maybe I just think about the experiences we had the memories. He was the only guy who ever made me feel special, excepted, loved.

My last post talked about self-love finding the above words in myself, and maybe that is why he is coming up again because he was one of the only people who made me feel that way. Maybe there is way I can use the memories of him as a reminder for myself that I am special, expected, loved. He will never see this, but I think that is why he is on my mind again, because his memory, will help me learn to love myself again.

-Claire